Sunday, April 03, 2011

Morning People, Part Two

I woke up early last Friday morning at 3:30am to the sound of laughter coming from the girl (and her guest) staying in the apartment below me. We’ll call my downstairs neighbor - Sasha.

Did Sasha have a late night? Did she just get in? Does she realize it’s 3:30am and the walls of our building are thin?

Thinking she had partied late, (as that being the only reasonable explanation that this night owl can think of for that type of ruckus at this hour), I started to drift back to sleep. Only to be awoken again by the sound of a car pulling up and her apartment front door slamming shut.

I peaked outside my front window and saw a van filled with people with backpacks getting out of the car and loading up Sasha’s luggage. Oh my God, it’s a group of morning people. They are getting a head start on the weekend and by the looks of those backpacks, they must be planning on doing something outdoorsy. About this time now it was 4am. 4am.

Dear girl living below me,

Could we be any more different?


Now you may be thinking, “Come on Theresa, get a grip. Don’t you remember what it was like to get up early for a ski trip or a weekend getaway? How fun it was to get up early because we were excited to start our latest adventure?”

No I do not.

You see, no matter what the adventure is, when I get up that early, well, my whole day is ruined. You know that cardinal rule, “never wake up a sleeping baby?” You know what happens when you wake up a sleeping baby, right?




I’m the kind of girl that watches sunsets, not sunrises. If I am going to get up early for anything other than attending to, say, a newborn, well, I just don’t know if it’s worth it. If I am going to be sleep-deprived, it will only be because I am giving and nurturing the gift of life.

But as long as I am single, childless, and selfish….

Now if you are reading this blog at 3:30 in the morning, you either A) just got in from your local bar night or B) you are getting up with the roosters to excitedly start your new day, or C) you have no choice because you are taking care of a crying and screaming baby.

If you are B) you are a FREAK SHOW. I mean that in the most lovingly way possible.

My older sister, Lynn, is B), a freak show.

Growing up, sharing a bedroom, I would wake up to the sound of her blow dryer as she got ready for junior high. Pretty soon the humming of the dryer would lull me back into a deep sleep. I wouldn’t get up and get ready for school until the last possible minute which explains why I didn’t look so pretty in the morning.

But not Lynn. She still, to this day, not only gets up to be at work at 5:00am, she still styles her hair at that ungodly hour.

When we took a trip to Vegas once, that’s right, Vegas- the city that doesn’t do mornings, and a place where I could exist and roam freely in my natural habitat, Lynn still got up early. She took a shower, blew dry her hair and was ready to go while I laid in bed sleeping. Once she noticed I moved a little in my bed (this means we are secretly up- Donahoe girls don’t move in our sleep unless we are awake) – she kicked me.

“It’s 9am!!” she announced.

“IT’S VEGAS!” I told her.

Why couldn’t she just go down to the hotel’s coffee shop, grab a muffin and read the newspaper until her vampirish sibling woke up from her slumber?

And finally, last, but not least, the grandmother of all morning people in my life is…..

My mother.

My up-early-in-the-am-turn-on-the-heater-start-grinding-the-coffee-beans-so-she-can-get-her-alone-time-in mother.

If my sister and I didn’t get up on our own in the morning, my mother would tap her fingernails on our door and exclaim: “open up your peepers!”

After she has her first cup of coffee, she is ready to chat and it’s only 7am. She says after having four children, she can’t sleep in.

To all you non-sleeper-inners, I say get over it. I say when you wake up automatically at 6am, just lay there in bed until the moment passes. Then lay there some more. You don’t “have to” get up and start doing stuff. Who made up those rules?

Just relaaaax….you are getting verrrry sleeeeeepy….

Pretty soon you will be fast asleep again. Trust me it works.

And if it doesn’t.

You’re a freak show.

But I hope we can still be friends.

AND speaking of FRIENDS…

In this scene, Rachel is not a morning person either. Enjoy.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6IE8EpfnwU&feature=related

It’s such a funny scene, it has its own Facebook Fan Page:

https://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=222519478237&v=wall&viewas=0#!/group.php?gid=222519478237&v=wall

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